If I was a widget
In the crazy, anything can happen market known as OneSeason.com, it is imperative that a savvy investor be able to pick out the most lucrative investment. What better way to decide which to invest then to put yourself into those shoes of nearly all the available SOIs. After developing a multifaceted, intricate algorithm more complex than Sroka’s IPO formula (assuming he just doesn’t push a big red button) I have developed the can’t miss SOI to surely double your returns and max out your profit potential.
If I were a widget which would I be…I’ll give you a few guesses
Lets start with New York Yankees. How about Mr. steroid using junky, Alex Rodriguez…I heard Jeter sucks “A ROD” or better yet Jeter really likes to suck Randy’s Johnson. No no I wouldn’t be either of them. Oh, but wait for my friend, Mr. CC “Chili Cheese” Sabathia, too many hot dogs for me broski.
Lets chat it up about the so-called “legends.” Would I be any of these old retired farts…ok that was brash, but come on…I’m a widget, not an over the hill wish I could make it back in the league 5 times over Michael “Got no air left in the tank” Jordan; Earvin “sitting in my TNT chair, hope I don’t bleed Aids on my colleagues” Johnson…ok that was even more brash and completely uncalled for…no no I wouldn’t be either of them. Larry Legend? I do like the Bird man but he hasn’t done a damn thing since retiring, so what, he took an over achieving team to the NBA finals and then they got embarrassed. How has his executive career gone since that? Frito and Sdog give it two thumbs down. Gretzky can you get your team to the playoffs? Once, come on…plaaayyyyoffs?!?! Who’s talking about the playoffs…we’re just trying to win a game here. Babe, been there done that, no looking back now.
A. who?…A. I.? The guy is threatening to retire if he has to come off the bench. I would never want to be Iverson and I just threw up in my mouth; Uh…Clinton Portis?! Ha ha ha, I just threw up again. T.blOw. in Buffalo? Not interested.
Would I be a rookie…Beasley, umm riiggghhhtt…why are you even an available widget?! Mr. D-Rose, “holla at a playa when you see him in the street,” the kid’s got skills homie, but he’s already split and he’s still trading at a 10 dolla holla, so no. Kevin Durant? Bra, pick up a dumbbell for more than 2 days straight and then we can talk, skinny little biatch. Greg Oden? I guess hes a rookie technically and looks old enough to be Shaq’s father. The dude is hurt way too much for me to take any part of him. Matt Ryan from Boston College…How many BC players have had long, substantial NFL careers?…Exactly, not interested. Matt Forte, gaaaabaaaaggggeee. Ok maybe not gaaaabaaage he does have a bright future though, maybe, until Mr. Cutler’s Ego ruins him.
The KAAANG! Oh ya Bron Bron in da house! Sorry bron bron 10 shares of you gets me 0.055%…in English I’ll own 5 hundredths of a percent…I’m big time, syke; Same with you Kobe. Not happening.
As for the Asian sensation…you better reverse split big fella…twice before I think about owning any General Yao’s chicken any time soon.
I do love me Some Shaq diesel, but theres never any volume on the guy. Some of the sell orders are from the beginning of February! Give me a break
Philly boys galore. Howard too fat. Utley throws with his right/bats with his left, too confusing for me. And Cole…$10 a share and some elbow inflammation to go with it…I dooon’t thiiiiiink soooo. Westrbook & Mcnabb….RIP. While I’m on elbows you can go ahead and put JoeHan Santana on that list.
QB’S QB’S QB’S…my mouth waters with all of those widgets…Favre done;,shoulda retired last year; Brady no time to waste get Gizelle below my waste; Manning boys SUPER BOWL XLIV…remember that prediction. Brees, Roth, and Romo the Homo NONO. Jay Cutler to daaa berrrs. I don’t see a Vandy red neck makin it in the Windy City.
The rest of you football goons are solid, but damn homie it’s the offseason. No Monday night football going on, keep ya’ll on the back burner.
Pedroia-chipmunk, ManRam-spanish Bob Marley, Papi- how’d you injure your wrist big fella? I can think of a few buddy! Longoria- stud, but I’m not gay so no…I’ll continue staying away from the AL EAST. Bring on Doc Halladay for god sakes!
NL Central: Zambrano fat, ugly and me amigo can you please throw a strike!!!! Albert Pool Jols- This guy is goot, bary bary goot (Spanish English, accent sorry it’s descent at best). But as of today bro you have 400+ sell orders under $3.50 no value there, you’re not moving up anytime soon. So nay on you two’s.
Hockey players, ha ha…ha ha. No! You 2 can score all the goals you want…on each other…friggin Batty Boys.
CP3, DEEEEEWade, DEEEEEwight, love ya’ll like brothers but you gotta get the hell outta here. Only so much you can do with no supporting cast. Dork Nowitzki, Amare, Nash, Melo, PP34, KG…a lot of respect, but no dice.
That leaves us with 2 fine gentlemen.
My homeboy, my true love, the greatest Power forward and human to ever step on the court. I could go on and on. Jrome, Sdog you feel me fellas. The man is a god. TD21 ALL DAY LONG. Unfortunately, as much as I love him, and want to be his widget, he’s got double the shares the number one widget on the board.
Drum roll please….Tracy McGrady?!?!?! What the hell do you say. Yes sir, Tracy McGrady is the widget I want to be. Not only does this man have 800 outstanding shares, but for the majority of his time on the market, he was trading under the IPO release price. Furthermore boys, and girls (Eric, looking at you when I say that)…I know something you don’t know.
Trust me when I tell you anything under $20 is cheap for Tmac’s widget; Very cheap. Get your hands on him if possible because you will regret the decision if choose to sit on the sideline. A small group of investors own over 80% and are collaboratively holding or selling near split price and will continue to do so.
Remember boys everyone follows the market…the guy goes up and we all jump on…if a guy starts falling we all abort. If you buy him…hold him and don’t sell him for less than you paid!!! I can promise we will all reap the benefits.
It’s time to get paid.
I’m out,
WYZZZZZZZZ
Yeah traders! They got a sweet big article in todays Boston Metro. Here is the online link:
