You know who’s right around the corner? The big fella, Shaq Diesel, Shaq Daddy, Big Aristotle… SHAQ! We already can feel some tension between the KOBE and SHAQ soi starting to build after Shaq laid down this rap asking Kobe to tell him how his ass tastes.
For some other versions including one with Lyrics flashed across the bottom, check out HowsMyAssTaste.com – funny stuff. Unleash the beast and let the madness begin.
Well Traders I come to you today with a proposal. I glanced at the top 10 list for future IPO’s and I’ve got to say, I really feel that as a sports community we are leaving out one of the most important figures in Sports History. Looking at the success of Michael Jordan has prompted me to think about what other bigger-than-the-sport figures would make good IPO’s. Naturally, you have likely thought of these as well. Joe Montana, Babe Ruth, Jerry Rice, Wayne Gretzky, Tiger Woods, all come to mind.
I however want to go bigger than that. Wait you say, who could possibly be bigger than these legendary figures of competitive sport. Are you ready? God. NO, wait…hear me out on this. If you look back at all the major sports championships over the years, who have the players pointed to the most as the biggest contributor. God. Whether it’s Mariano Rivera after the Yank’s win, or David Robinson after the Spurs championships, to Lou Gehrig, Orel Hershiser, Tony Dungy, Reggie White, George Foreman, Larry Bird…and the list goes on. To many players and teams it seems God was the most important aspect of their rise to the top. Well that’s the circumstantial evidence, so then lets check the stats.
By my count God has won 61 NBA championships, 41 Super Bowls, 114 World Series Championships, and 116 Stanley Cups. I’d say those are some damn err…I mean darn good numbers.
If that doesn’t settle the argument in your mind, I’ll offer one last piece of evidence as to why God should be the next IPO. Can you imagine the stock value of God? Seriously think about the things you could reply back to people. “Well I own 2% of AIRJ.” “Yeah? That’s not bad but I own 22% of God”. “Wait, I thought they were the same person?”
About this time, I’m looking out for lightning bolts or power surges. I know me personally, I’d buy stock in God, and my guess is it would outperform the entire market. His ticker could be HOVA, sorry Jay-Z. Well that’s all for now, I say we petition OneSeason.com for the right to purchase stock in God. This is borderline blasphemy however I think God has a sense of humor, and realizes I’m not truly serious. Best wishes to you all this week.
-Undeniable Dilemma
